Background info: I was faced with a decision that set me into panic mode. Specifically, I was prompted with flying instead of driving. Sparing you all the details, flights still present a lot of fear for me (read the blog "Anxiety: Where it is Coming From and How to Manage It" for more on that).
Point is, I have worked hard to overcome fears and I am all for not letting them control my life. However, I am learning there is a right time to face those fears. Not all moments in life are meant for you to tackle huge things, like flying for me. Sometimes there is a lot going on and in those moments taking on huge fears can be too much.
That's where you learn to trust yourself. Emotionally my reaction to the flight proposition was panic. But it's not ideal to make decisions when emotions are heightened in reactions. So I gave myself a day to calm down and weigh out logic vs. emotion to find a balanced decision. To find the decision that suit me best in that moment.
Fast forward 24 hours and the decision I made was to drive, not fly. It would be easy to say I made the decision just because I am afraid of flying but that's not true. I did well on my last flight but I prepped for it. Also, I love road trips. Always have. They feel freeing and I enjoy the space to myself to think on the open road. Beyond that it has been an emotional few weeks for me and becuase of that it was just not the right time to push myself. I weighed all that out. Ultimately it was a moment to focus on doing things I love because I have been exhausted doing things I don't love versus a moment to challenge myself. There's a time and place for everything.
Once I made my decision, I went to tell my boyfriend. When I started telling him I realized how weak my voice was. Whoa! I was afraid of his response. Not because of anything he did, but because of my past and my bad habits. Then on top of that when I was done telling him, I waited for validation. Validation that I did a good job in deciding for myself.
HOLD UP (this is the good part!). I DO NOT need him to validate my decision. I empowered myself to decide for myself and I can empower myself to feel good about my decision regardless of others thoughts.
I was so proud of myself for that realization and then proud of myself for communicating it. But most importantly for believing it and empowering myself to be secure.
In my pride, I text my mom this:
Me: I am proud of myself. I made a decision based on what is best for me right now not based on others. Then when I went to tell (boyfriend's name) I noticed my voice weak and noticed I was seeking validation on my decision. When realizing that I said actually no. I made a decision for me and in the kindest way I don’t care if you dislike it. I said I will have power to validate my own decision.
Me: So I went beyond giving myself grace. I went and gave myself power too. Power to not even care what others thought about my decision. Bc there is power in being proud of putting your needs first.
Mom: It is, but it is also free to make a decision based on the fact that you do care what other people think especially people we deeply love, but you still make a decision based on what you know about yourself and who you are
Me: Right. That too. That is just one I have learned since the divorce. I have been better and more empowered to make decisions for me, empowered to not put others first but myself first taking others into account second. Just the new realization today was how much I sought validation from men on my decisions still. So another cord I can break. I do care what he thinks, he just is allowed to dislike my decision without loving me less and without me feeling less than for my decision.
End the texting. Need I say more? :) That statement is powerful. Giving myself grace and validation to empower myself and my choices.
Validate yourself!
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