First I'd like to highlight and have you read this poem I wrote because it speaks immensely to living through trauma and healing after.
Now some background, my ex loved bonfires and so did I, but he used them to sit and drink, eventually getting drunk. Over time that ruined bonfires for me. I feared what was to come after them. I feared him after the alcohol.
That kind of fear lingers. That kind of trauma lingers. I didn't realize it at the time. I realized it after I removed myself from that relationship and I was sitting at my first fire. I hated it. I hated fires; I didn't want to sit there.
In that moment, I couldn't understand why the bonfire was making me anxious and so uncomfortable. Then it hit me as I thought back to my time at fires with him; it made complete sense. Fires evoked fear. Subconsciously, at that fire with him I knew what was coming and at the time it felt like there was nothing I could do.
I think that began to show me the effects trauma had on my brain and body long after it happened. It took me a few years to sit by a fire again; to want to sit by a fire again.
Fast forward to two years after my divorce, I was sitting by the fire (yes, I actually agreed to have one) in a new calm relationship and I was able to just sit peacefully. It was amazing!
Here's what changed. First, I changed. I worked hard to release the past; release the trauma thoughts and responses. Second, in releasing the past, I learned to focus on the present and ask, "Is anything happening to me right now?" When I could answer "No," I was able to calm myself and feel safe. Third, I'd surrounded myself by safe people and a safe place so that time helped me heal. Time and safe people helped me learned I no longer had anything to be afraid of.
That rewired the trauma of bonfires within me.
It was a beautiful night that night and I wrote that poem. The poem became my final release and my passion for loving fires returned.
Takeaway: Trauma doesn't last forever. Once you are in a safe place, out of the trauma, it is possible to heal. Do not give up hope. Do the work and give it time.
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