"Do what is easy and your life will be hard. Do what is hard and your life will be easy." -Les Brown
When I heard that quote, it changed something within me. It changed how I viewed hardships and decisions. Especially one hardship in particular, the choice to stay or leave my abusive marriage.
Don't get me wrong staying was not easy, but it was easier. If you think leaving is the easy way out, you couldn’t be more wrong. Leaving is the hardest thing. You’re leaving your place of comfort, Leaving what you have always known; leaving a life. But when I stayed, I was hurt; I was traumatized and my life was hard.
Leaving was the harder decision, but would ultimately lead to an easier life, a happier life. It's harder to look inward and face your issues. It's harder to make a life altering change like divorce. I can honestly say it has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And it didn't end with deciding to get divorced, that was only the beginning of all the work I needed to do. The work to rewire self-damaging thoughts that had me in the relationship in the first place, the work to believe I have worth, and the work to face the anxiety within me.
After making that decision, one of the hardships I faced for so many months was that I thought somehow my divorce was making me less of a person and not making me a good role model. But I realized that was not the truth, it was the self damaging thoughts talking. Needless to say that train of thoughts was harmful to me and was harmful to my health. In truth, facing my fears, facing my baggage, and having the courage to leave, makes me a great role model.
I’m a role model because I’m choosing to make a hard decision in order to have a better life. I’m a role model because I had the courage to leave, to ask to be treated the way everyone deserves. I’m a role model because I’m no longer sitting in an abusive relationship.
I chose happiness. I chose self care. I finally chose to put me first. If that doesn’t set a good example, I don’t know what does.
Recently, when I saw another women making a face I know all to well, I can't help but feel peace in my decision. It was the face that says I can’t believe my husband is getting drunk again. The face that says I’m dreading what’s coming next. The face that says I’ll sit here and pretend I’m OK because what else can I possibly do. I know that face too well and I will not make that face again. Seeing that face makes me extremely grateful I made that hard decision and left. I only hope that others may find strength and support to ask for a similar change. And for some that may not be leaving, for some it may be just standing firm in saying, "What you're doing is not okay; I deserve better," and then facing it as a couple. In my situation, he couldn't hear that. He wasn't willing to make a change and so leaving was the best choice for me.
I am making decisions for ME, as I am the only one who knows my truth, my story, and my life.
I'm making hard decisions for an easier life.
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