Someone commented on my social page that “You don’t have to be anxious,” and a bunch of other unkind things. Which is what it is. If my blog or my socials aren’t for you, then you have the choice not to read them or follow them. That is okay with me. My writing isn’t for everyone. It’s for those who want to hear my story with mental health and choose to learn something. That choice is always the readers.
But I want to address the “You don’t have to be anxious” statement. It’s honestly one I and many others I know have heard way too often. The mental health battle. I heard it a lot with depression too; “You can choose to be happy.” I’m sure if you ask anyone with a mental health disorder, they will tell you they have had to defend it’s “validity” or “realness” one to many times. Why are we having to defend it at all?
It’s recognized by the medical world, WHO (World Health Organization), therapists, etc. But yet a lot of people choose not to educate themselves on it.
Now I understand that those who haven't experienced it may not understand it at the same level as those who have a mental health disorder. However, just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't real. Doesn't mean it isn't valid.
Not educating yourself or not trying to understand, now that’s a choice. Making hurtful statements to those who have mental health disorders is a choice. Me, having anxiety or depression, is not a choice. Having any mental health disorder is not a choice.
Here’s what I can choose: what I do with it. But I did not “choose” to have it. Life happens. Trauma happens. Genetics happens. Look up the scientific definitions if you want; they exist, trust me. Bodies respond differently and are built differently, which all contribute to different mental health issues.
When I’m triggered from trauma, as in someone traps me in a corner and it reminds me of the abuse of my ex trapping me and my anxiety rises. I don’t choose that PTSD. I don’t choose the trigger, the trauma, or the anxiety.
What I can choose is what I do with those feelings. Do I let them consume me? Do I let them define me? No and no. I choose to educate myself with coping mechanisms to handle the anxiety. I chose to address and process the trauma, in hopes of putting the trauma behind me and lessening the triggers.
On another note, I’ve worked with a lot of teenagers and I watch people break their spirits when they have to “defend” what they have no choice over. Mental health disorders that are truly hurting teens today and yet people say just “choose” differently. It’s creating a false reality and lowering their self esteem to believe there is something wrong with them and they just need to be stronger to choose differently.
One teen told me, “Literally like I didn’t choose to have depression episodes that keep me in my bed for days. Defending mental health sucks.”
I tell those teenagers you didn’t choose depression or anxiety or eating disorders, what you do with it is your choice though. That doesn’t mean you can choose to be magically better, but you can choose to learn coping skills to help alleviate some of the pain, you can choose coping skills to calm the anxiety.
So if you are someone making these statements that it “doesn’t exist” or “choose differently,” please stop. You are choosing not to try to understand the issues at hand or not to educate yourself on mental health disorders. You are choosing to hurt those that have them by indirectly telling them they are less than, indirectly telling them there is something wrong with them, and directly telling them they can just control it by "choosing differently."
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