Welcome to the Anxious & Awake blog! I'm sure you all are wondering about the title and logo, and maybe what to expect from this blog. Here it is!
First off, I struggle with anxiety, if that wasn't obvious :) I think I always have, but life has been chaotic for me for many years. Like in high school when my parents got divorced and I dealt with a father who suffered from depression and turned to alcohol. Then I was diagnosed with major depression. Then later I got into a marriage where I was emotionally and verbally abused by an alcoholic husband. You might be thinking, there's a pattern there, and you aren't wrong, but that is for another post (or lots of posts). The point here is that amidst all that trauma, the anxiety in me rose.
Which brings me to now, I'm three years divorced from that man and my anxiety is worse than ever. See ironically, since my life has become calmer, it allowed me to feel higher levels of anxiety. Anxiety that had arguably always been there, just my outer surroundings were chaotically masking it. That's the super short version of the back story. Don't worry there will be SO many posts about those events and their impact, but more importantly about the incredible coping mechanisms and life lessons I've learned to help conquer these things in order to live a better healthy life.
About my logo! Lately my anxiety has been keeping me awake. Darkness is a huge trigger for me and so I often lay there awake worried or just lost in thoughts. As I was lying in bed one night, consumed with these thoughts, it hit me that I'm anxious and awake. The title developed from there. Which led me to creating my coffee cup logo. I obsessed with coffee, ironic for someone who can't sleep, right? But also, the cup symbolizes sitting down and having a conversation over that morning coffee, or in my case a latte. And if you look closely, the steam rising is a semi-colon which symbolizes mental health survival. Mental health is a huge part of my story and will be a prominent subject on this blog.
Anyway, I've always known I've wanted to help people through my words and my experiences. I've faced a lot in life with mental health and trauma; but, more importantly I've learned a lot. I want to open those conversations and tackle those tough topics. I want to create a space where I'm honest in sharing my story, in hopes that you may take even a tiny bit away. Maybe you'll find wisdom. Maybe you'll find peace knowing someone is going/has gone through something similar to you. Or maybe you'll be inspired to share your own story. Whatever is meant for you in this blog, won't miss you!
All you have to do is be open. Open to the tough conversations.
I'm anxious. I'm awake. I'm having those tough conversations.
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