Tackling anxiety! I mean that is what this blog is named after anyway, so let's start addressing it.
A few definitions for you:
Dictionary: anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
AI (Chatgpt definition when asked to "define anxiety"): Anxiety is a complex emotional state characterized by feelings of unease, worry, fear, or apprehension, often accompanied by physiological symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating, trembling, and difficulty concentrating. It's a natural response to stress or a perceived threat, but when it becomes excessive, persistent, or interferes with daily life, it may indicate an anxiety disorder. Anxiety can manifest in various forms, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and specific phobias. Treatment for anxiety disorders may involve therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination of these approaches.
My definition: an intense overwhelming emotion, based out of fear, that consumes your whole body and makes it feel impossible to do something or function sometimes
Based on those definitions, I think it's safe to say we all experience anxiety at times, in some form or another. I mean "uncertain outcomes" are often scary. Some of us just have those fears deep seeded at more extreme levels, or even to the point of an anxiety disorder.
For me, anxiety stems from traumatic events, diagnosed as a PTSD anxiety disorder. And no, I'm not a veteran. The main belief used to be that only veterans had PTSD. But I see that view shifting; I see that society is beginning to recognize that PTSD can come from any traumatic event. For me, it was mostly my marriage to an alcoholic narcissist. That alone does not make it a traumatic marriage, but the events that happened during it made it traumatic.
I recognized the place the anxiety was coming from and started exploring it in order to heal. If you are unsure, try the following prompt.
“Outline what is making you anxious. Is your anxiety trying to tell you something? Are you hiding something from yourself? Sometimes listening to our anxiety is the key to managing it. What does it look like? Feel like? Sound like? Understanding our anxiety is often a great way to overcome it. After all, you can’t overcome what you don’t understand.
(Journal prompt from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/journal-prompts-for-anxiety/ and I am not promoting this site or affiliated with it. I just found these prompts useful).
This prompt helped me start explore my anxiety; helped me learn how to manage it.
For example, I've been super anxious about flying the past few years, a debilitating amount of anxiousness. I even cancelled a few trips I had because I couldn't get on that plane. For me it wasn't actually about the plane though. See I've been flying since I was a child. My dad was a small plane pilot and then by 15 I started traveling on commercial flights. I've easily clocked over hundreds of flights. Therefore, my sudden onset fear of flying didn't logistically make sense.
When answering the prompt to figure out what anxiety was telling me, I found out I was afraid of not being in control. Hence why the airplane, you have zero control of that plane. In my past marriage, when I didn't have control of the situation (which I rarely did), I was unsafe. My ex didn't have control of himself while drinking and therefore didn't have control of what he said/did when drunk. Obviously in turn that meant I didn't have control either. You can't reason with someone in that state.
The yelling and berating constantly occurred. I'd often lock myself in the bathroom just to avoid it (it was the only room that locked). You can see where the fear and anxiety of lack of control stem from.
No control = not safe.
Therefore, I was afraid of the airplane, afraid of letting others drive, afraid to be in place that I couldn't get out. I needed control of my surroundings in order to feel safe.
Which leads me to the best part! The healing! As time passed, I learned to control what I could and trust the rest. I controlled my breathe. I controlled my thoughts. I let go of what I couldn't control.
I was afraid of things that weren't even happening; therefore, I learned how to breathe and ground myself in what was happening. Ground myself by asking "is anything happening to you right now?" Usually the answer was no. Then I used my breath and thoughts to bring me out of the fear, back in to my body, and back to the ground.
Anxiety is often that, it's fear exploding in our brains and body of what could happen, based on what has happened. But listen to that statement "could happen" and "has happened." None of that IS happening. That's the key to managing the anxiety.
I use past tense because I have learned those things. However, I still use them all the time. It's not a magic solution and my anxiety just went away. It's a coping mechanism that has allowed me to manage my anxiety and not let it control me.
I can control those thoughts. I can control my breath. I can't control that plane. For that you just have to trust. Know it will be uncomfortable for a bit, but only when you are focused on "uncertain outcomes." Personally, I also found peace in the fact that being uncomfortable never killed anyone. You will never be able to know everything or control everything. Things will be uncertain and those are the things you must let go.
Focus on what IS happening right now. Focus on your breath. Focus on your thoughts.
"I am safe."
"My breath brings me home."
"My fear will not control me."
This past January, I got on that airplane! Oh, I still had panic attacks on each plane ride. But I used these techniques so the panic only lasted less than 20 minutes, versus sending me into a spiral or prohibiting me from getting on that plane.
That's progress! That's achievement!
Takeaway: Get to a place that the anxiety is not controlling how you live. Instead you are controlling it and living how YOU want.
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